07/13/24 - The News

Saturday, July 13, 2024

Neutral Milk Hotel’s Julian Koster Accused Of Grooming And Sexual Assault By Elephant 6 Musician Nesey Gallons

July 13, 2024 0

 Anna “Nesey” Gallons, a member of the Elephant 6 collective who has performed as a solo artist and with bands such as Circulatory System and the Music Tapes, has accused Julian Koster, a member of Neutral Milk Hotel and leader of bands including the Music Tapes and Orbiting Human Circus, of grooming and sexual assault. In a post on Instagram, Gallons writes that in 2000, when she was 15, she began a phone and email correspondence with Koster in which he told her she was his soulmate. According to Gallons, Koster invited her to visit him in New York, and when she was 16 in April 2001, the relationship became sexual. “This, by all common definitions, constitutes ‘grooming,'” she writes. “Many among our community knew.” She further alleges that Koster sexually assaulted her twice in 2005.



In his own statement on Instagram, Koster confirms the relationship transpired but denies Gallons’ other allegations, writing that Gallons and her spouse have been trying to coerce him into entering into a romantic relationship with them. “I have been the victim of intimidation, manipulation, and abuse by Nesey Gallons for many years,” he writes.

In her statement, Gallons says Neutral Milk Hotel leader Jeff Mangum was aware of the relationship but did not step in to stop it: “Others close to him (actual adults, unlike myself, as I was still 16!) could have also acted on this information then. Why didn’t you, Jeff?” In a follow-up comment on that post, she adds, “I will say that I have a lot of really loving and supportive folks, like the Harts, in the E6 camp. It was an open secret among many while others didn’t really know or weren’t sure what was happening. When things first transpired there was only one person who explicitly asked what was going on and received a direct and truthful answer back in April 2001, and that was Jeff.”

Koster writes that he entered into a sexual relationship with Gallons when she was 16 and he was 28. “Though this put her over Georgia’s legal age of consent when our relationship began, it was wrong to allow the relationship to happen at all and I’ve apologized to Nesey many times for that,” Koster writes. “I should have been more responsible about the age gap, but I deny all the other accusations she’s made.”

Koster writes that he has been subject to “thousands of threatening and manipulative messages” from Gallons and her spouse, Paul Gallons. “In these messages, they’ve demanded that I be in a romantic relationship with them, marry Nesey, move in with them away from my friends and family, finance their living expenses, and let them control me, emotionally, physically, and sexually. They have repeatedly threatened to harm me or themselves if I do not ‘obey’ them.”

Here is the text of Gallons’ original post:

I began to communicate by telephone and correspond via email with Julian Koster routinely in early Y2K at age 15, each exchange gradually becoming more intimate, though seemingly innocent. He imparted the notion that our connection was like none he had ever known. I was Special. (Eventually claiming I must be his true love or soulmate.) He invited me to visit him in New York, had no qualms letting me have cannabis and stare dreamily into his eyes. Less than a year later, in April 2001, about six weeks before I turned 17, that relationship became sexual. This, by all common definitions, constitutes “grooming.” Many among our community knew. In the summer of 2005 he assaulted me twice. I kept this a secret. I remained his closest friend, keeping his secrets throughout those years, even orchestrating things like the 2008 Elephant Six Holiday Surprise tour and long-awaited albums and tours, things the outside world seemed to regard as restoring “relevance” to E6 (mostly because it compelled Mangum to come back on stage 🙄) But though when I melted down catastrophically in late 08 and early 09 he discarded and ostracized me, I didn’t expose Julian, to my own detriment. Such is grooming. I felt compelled to protect my friends in the E6 community and our fans, holding to that until 2020 when the first utterances of this story escaped my shattered lips in any capacity that named names, and was quickly silenced once I was approached with the possibility of reconciliation, and then erased by his eager PR team (prizing their paychecks over humanity and honor, I suppose.) The more recent history is yet another chapter, but allow me to begin with this initial acknowledgement of my story. This is to be continued. It has been making me deeply ill to sit on this pile of secrets kept for *his sake*. For now let it suffice to confirm that I was groomed, assaulted, psychologically and emotionally manipulated by Julian Koster and I could have reported this fact as early as when our relationship was first consummated in April 2001. Others close to him (actual adults, unlike myself, as I was still 16!) could have also acted on this information then. Why didn’t you, Jeff?

 And here’s the follow-up comment:

Additional info on some other occasion, I’ve got shows to play and, like, need some coffee, haha. But I will say that I have a lot of really loving and supportive folks, like the Harts, in the E6 camp. It was an open secret among many while others didn’t really know or weren’t sure what was happening. When things first transpired there was only one person who explicitly asked what was going on and received a direct and truthful answer back in April 2001, and that was Jeff. Thanks to those of you offering warmth, it is appreciated, but the point of this is to find peace and move on. I’m so done with this nonsense, and ready start living

 Gallons has followed up with two more posts since the original accusation. Here’s one:

It’s unsurprising, I suppose, that I should have such trouble sleeping tonight. The show was nice in many ways, I nearly fainted from forgetting to eat all day, but my friends were kind and the audience compassionate as I ate a pouch of dried mangos between songs to stabilize. My friends and the local musicians all made lovely sounds. I finally met a very dear old friend in real life, truly magical, wondrous timing when I needed the company of an army of dear friends, this one appeared like a Good Witch, like the arrival of Gandalf at Helm’s Deep. And yet I can’t sleep. How I wished all this could have transpired differently. How much I gave for so long in hopes another narrative might be possible. I know there are questions, and I appreciate the mostly respectful quiet I’ve received in that regard, but I know there are some with worthy wonderings who aren’t interested in mere spectacle or misery but are desperately in need of whatever peace of mind, clarity, or closure may be gleaned from my words. I am sorry it isn’t as simple as turning out my pockets to reveal what is in them, it will take some time to separate what feels appropriate to share from what ought to remain private. But I understand, as someone deeply emotionally invested in some of these folks, that the lack of complete and thorough information would manifest as a sickening madness in me if I were unable to know everything and assemble a comprehensible narrative. It is particularly distressing, and I am sure also somewhat confusing, as a lengthy reconciliation had seemingly been underway since I first uttered anything of this in 2020. I will elaborate in what ways are appropriate to the best of my ability as time and my nervous system are able to handle it. I feel a measure of relief at telling these truths, but it is also upsetting to me to leave stories unfinished, and to not know what to expect next. In the meantime I appreciate all the support. Privately, yes, but especially visibly. Every kind word shared publicly is like a little shield that helps protect my family and I from those who would rather see me attacked and harmed for saying what I have said.

 And here’s another:

cw: all the things. I’m predictably receiving a bunch of new followers under kinda lousy circumstances to receive a bunch of new followers, sorry, I wish it were because of something fun! But here are a few basic facts about me: I’m a 40 year old trans woman, married to a trans man. I’m on hrt but don’t really pass and don’t care if I ever do. My partner and I have two kids. I’m an anarchist, omnisexual, and practice ethical non-monogamy very selectively. I share this, among other things, for safety reasons, as the ways our family is Different—without context—are sometimes interpreted in bad faith as immorality and dissolution. Like any Q/ND person, I cannot hope to protect against such willful misunderstanding, so my hope is that sharing what I am sharing will protect against this by connecting with those who either share these differences or can see them as valid, loving, and deserving of the same basic regard for one’s humanity as anyone else.

I am not a “perfect victim” either. I am neurodivergent and suffer from ptsd and bipolar disorder. I have a history of alcoholism. It’s how I coped with keeping these secrets. I also experienced childhood sexual abuse. I have hurt people in my own ways as a result of these traumas and this secrecy, and that is part of what motivates my own healing, to become a safer and better human, to learn and act in ways that reduce harm. I believe in radical forgiveness and while personal accountability is important, we need to focus on the ways the neurodivergent and queer community (particularly older generations) have been deprived of sufficient sex education and crushed by capitalism. Those are our real enemies that cause this kind of suffering among us. I’m typically a relatively private person, but I’m honest and don’t have much of a filter anymore. I’ll engage when I have the mental energy and block folks who can’t communicate respectfully pretty much immediately without a warning. Best wishes to all who mean well

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Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who encouraged America to talk about sex, dies at 96

July 13, 2024 0

 Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the diminutive sex therapist who became a pop icon, media star and best-selling author through her frank talk about once-taboo bedroom topics, has died. She was 96.



Westheimer died on Friday at her home in New York City, surrounded by her family, according to publicist and friend Pierre Lehu.

Westheimer never advocated risky sexual behavior. Instead, she encouraged an open dialogue on previously closeted issues that affected her audience of millions. Her one recurring theme was there was nothing to be ashamed of.

I still hold old-fashioned values and I'm a bit of a square,” she told students at Michigan City High School in 2002. “Sex is a private art and a private matter. But still, it is a subject we must talk about.”

Westheimer's giggly, German-accented voice, coupled with her 4-foot-7 frame, made her an unlikely looking — and sounding — outlet for “sexual literacy.” The contradiction was one of the keys to her success.

But it was her extensive knowledge and training, coupled with her humorous, nonjudgmental manner, that catapulted her local radio program, "Sexually Speaking," into the national spotlight in the early 1980s. She had a nonjudgmental approach to what two consenting adults did in the privacy of their home.

“Tell him you’re not going to initiate,” she told a concerned caller in June 1982. “Tell him that Dr. Westheimer said that you’re not going to die if he doesn’t have sex for one week.”

Her radio success opened new doors, and in 1983 she wrote the first of more than 40 books: “Dr. Ruth’s Guide to Good Sex,” demystifying sex with both rationality and humor. There was even a board game, Dr. Ruth’s Game of Good

She soon became a regular on the late-night television talk-show circuit, bringing her personality to the national stage. Her rise coincided with the early days of the AIDS epidemic, when frank sexual talk became a necessity.

“If we could bring about talking about sexual activity the way we talk about diet — the way we talk about food — without it having this kind of connotation that there’s something not right about it, then we would be a step further. But we have to do it with good taste,” she told Johnny Carson in 1982.

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